A Roman e’clef

Once upon a time there was a formidable Auntie in the family. Many years ago this Auntie often befriended the Housekeeper of the Monsignor who was Pastor of the nearby Parish.

On a particular day, Auntie took the Housekeeper shopping with the understood additional mission of finding a discreet place to deposit the Housekeeper’s two empty wine bottles. This sedate dear old house-keeper was certainly not going to embarrass the Monsignor by putting empty wine bottles in the Rectory trash cans.

Auntie pulled the car up to the back entrance and watches as her old friend toddled slowly down the path and maneuveres her slender but a body into the front seat of Auntie’s car. As if they were conducting a high level summit meeting, they discuss what to do first. Hanging heavily on housekeeper’s mind is getting rid of the empty bottles without anyone seeing this covert operation. She prefers getting rid of them post-haste. Auntie, on the other hand, thought that they could kill two birds with one stone and go to the Food Market where there would be a trash container outside.

After parking, Auntie walks at a pace that grinds at her nerves but in deference to Housekeeper she keeps the painfully snail-like pace. As they moved closer to the trash can, Housekeeper’s pace was further impeded by her furtive glances to the right and left to scan the shopper’s faces. Auntie advises that they were near the trash can and to have those carefully wrapped ’empty soldiers’ as Auntie called them ready for the drop.

By then Housekeeper is committed to the deed, but getting in the way of the process her geriatric arms and her scrupulous conscience. For the fast-moving and excitable Auntie, this is too much to bear. She says, “Oh! just dump it in!” “You’d think it was a bomb.” Unbeknownst to this innocent pair, someone heard the word bomb.

The two ladies with free hearts and arms march into the market and start to shop when suddenly they hear sirens–many loud sirens. They look back at the door and fire trucks are outside and they wondered what was wrong. But then, more frightening than that were the two police officers swiftly charging down on Auntie and Housekeeper. This unlikely duo was detained and questioned. After the evidence was corroborated, the two crimesters were released but with a heavy burden.

The heavy burden was telling the Monsignor what had happened before a possible leak via a devout parishioner. Housekeeper guiltily raced through her story to the Monsignor. Confessing that she and Auntie had been apprehended by the police but “Monsignor, ever so briefly!” This Holy Man who often lapsed into an Irish brogue turned away quickly to ponder this incredulous story told him by his saintly Housekeeper. As his back was turned away, he mused, “what mischief this holy Biddy has gotten into?”

Auntie stepped in and told the story to the Monsignor as it happened in her eyes. … ending with, “..” and the police did not even say they were sorry!” Monsignor walking down the hall, told the ladies over his shoulder that everything is alright. “Tis a shame those Irish police didn’t gather you up in their arms and bring you home and say sorry.”

“But, now ladies, please don’t be repeatin this exercise.” “May God Bless you and keep you in His holy sights.”

mosswood 2012 May

Roman e’clef is a literary device– pronounced: Roman acaly is, one might say, a real person depicted as fictional.

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~ by mosswood on May 26, 2012.

One Response to “A Roman e’clef”

  1. Great story, keep them coming!

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